Six months of contract is roughly 180 evenings when one spouse puts the children to bed alone and the other falls asleep after a watch thousands of kilometres away. The psychology of a seafarer’s family is built around this rhythm: departure, adjustment, waiting, return. Knowing how it works makes it easier to agree than to quarrel.
Separation from a seafarer husband has its own rhythm
The first weeks after departure are the hardest: the home still remembers his presence, and there is no new routine yet. Then comes adjustment: the wife takes on the whole household and learns to cope on her own. Towards the end of the contract, anxiety appears: how will it be when he comes back?
Separation from a seafarer husband is a normal part of this profession. But it needs attention, like any long-term strain.
How to get through your husband’s contract: tips for wives
A few tips for a seafarer’s wife that work in practice:
- keep your own weekly rhythm: work, meeting friends, things that don’t depend on calls;
- don’t put off decisions “until he’s back” if they can be made now;
- tell him not only about problems but also about the ordinary little things in your day;
- have people nearby you can call when things are hard.
Finding it hard on your own?
Stella Maris provides psychological support to seafarers’ families: wives, children, parents. Consultations take place online or in person, and the first three sessions are free.
A long-distance relationship: what to agree on before the voyage
Keeping in touch with family at sea depends on the connection on the ship. Some ships have satellite internet, others only a few minutes of calls a week. So agree in advance how often you will be in touch and what to do if there is no connection for several days. That means less anxiety and fewer grievances.
One more rule: don’t settle serious conflicts in a messenger. Short messages without intonation are easy to read the wrong way. If the conversation is hard, it is better to wait for a call.
For a seafarer who wants to save his marriage, it is important to take an interest in life at home, not only in bills and repairs. The question “how are you?” sometimes matters more than a transfer to a card.
A seafarer’s children while their father is at sea
Small children struggle to understand “half a year,” so a calendar where the child crosses off the days themselves helps. Older children may take offence and withdraw: this is a reaction to separation, not indifference.
What helps children:
- recorded videos of their father that they can watch;
- shared activities at a distance: a book you both read, a drawing for dad;
- an honest explanation of where and why their father went.
Where the limit is: what a connection can’t fix
Even daily video calls will not replace presence. If silence, irritation or constant quarrels pile up in a family, the problem isn’t poor internet. Such things are worked on with a psychologist, preferably together.
Separation in a seafarer’s family can be organised the same way a voyage is organised. Agreements before departure, a life of your own at home and support for the seafarer’s family from outside make the contract easier for everyone.
Support for the whole seafarer’s family
Stella Maris psychologists help seafarers and their families keep their connection and their relationship across the distance.
Read also: How to Adjust to Life Ashore After Your Contract Ends — what happens to a family when a seafarer comes home.
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